One of the weirdest things about growing up is being able to reflect on your youth and the advice shared with you by your parents. You think of things like “the grass is always greener on the other side” or “Kellen, please don’t mix orange juice and milk in the gallon container. It’s disgusting.” But the one that came to mind while reflecting on this movie was “Finish your food.” And thanks to this film, I finally understand the meaning behind that adage. It’s better to be starving than to watch this f^cking movie.
Deciphering this “ending” would require a Ph.D. or a 3rd grader who still colors outside the lines to explain it to you. Unfortunately, you’ve got me – a dude with a Bachelor’s and that still colors outside the lines.
Transformers: The Last Knight Synopsis
“The plot follows
Sam WitwickyCade Yeager, ahigh-schoolercollege freshman jobless graduateTexas Inventah, and his talkingcartruckcars as they go on the adventure of a lifetime and try to stop the evilMegatronGalvatronMegatron from obtaining theAll-SparkMatrix of Leadership PillarsSeedStaff of Merlin and destroying Earth.”
This film picks up one year after the events of Transformers: Age of Extinction – as if that f^cking mattered in the slightest. It could run concurrently with the previous four movies, and there would be fewer continuity errors than the final product. I won’t dive into what those errors are here. Many bloggers who smell worse than me have written about these errors ad nauseam. The one mistake I will mention is Stanley Tucci returning to the franchise, one film later, as a totally different character. Tucci as a drunk Merlin is great because I was able to add “sozzled” to my drunk vocabulary, and that’s it.
What I will bring up is when the Dragon Transformer grants Merlin the staff that controls the Dragon Transformer itself. You’re handing out the one object that would force you into perpetual servitude. Why? Help or don’t help; you’re sentient. It’s like a dog putting the leash on itself and handing it off to its owner!
But by far, the best thing in this film is the casual revelation that Transformers have usable pockets. Not some sci-fi “pocket dimension” bullshit explanation. But a literal f^cking coat pocket. Where was this in the last four movies?? Crunch up Shia in the second movie and hide him in your pocket, Bumblebee!
There’s a Transformer pocket watch that killed Hitler, too, so that’s neat.
Transformers: The Last Knight Ending
The film ends with the heroes defeating Megatron (again) and Quintessa (cool name) and destroying Cybertron (again). I can’t remember much else for the life of me, and I refuse to watch it again. I know Unicron is Earth because why the hell wouldn’t he be? The single most fantastical Transformer that audiences have wanted to see since the original film is disguised as the one planet he can’t transform out of.
I know the staff could only be used by Merlin’s descendent, an extremely attractive museum lady who is considered a failure because she doesn’t have a husband. There’s even a scene between the ripped Marky Mark and the aforementioned museum supermodel where they talk about her lack of a husband and how Marky Mark is celibate or some shit. This whole subplot feels like Michael Bay wrote about himself in high school and between films, dug up his old diary, and threw it in.
“She’s totally hot and smart and British, but she doesn’t have a husband, AND I’M RIPPED AS HELL, AND I SHOW HER MY ABS IN A SUBMARINE THAT’S ALSO A TRANSFORMER, BUT IT DOESN’T ACT LIKE A TRANSFORMER OR EVEN TRANSFORM SO IT’S JUST A SUBMARINE, BUT IT’S A TRANSFORMER!!!”
Transformers: The Last Knight Ending Explained
There’s nothing. There is no ending to this film. If you wanted to make lemonade, then you picked the wrong lemon of a movie. The loud explosions just stop, and the credits begin to roll. In my opinion, the only definitive proof of God’s existence is that he made sure this film failed in every industry sense of the word. Not only that, Michael Bay went on to make a film that is somehow even worse than this with 6 Underground.
Closing Thoughts
This film taught me that we need to screen folks for film school just as meticulously as we do for medical school.
I’m convinced that had Michael Bay gotten his sixth film, it would have “revealed” that the pocket watch that killed Hitler didn’t kill Hitler and that Hitler was Megatron the entire time because f^ck it all.
If you want to read the first Transformers Ending Explained, click here.
Or Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Ending Explained, click here.
Or Transformers: Dark of the Moon Ending Explained, click here.
Transformers: Age of Extinction Ending Explained, click here.
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